It can be heart-wrenching to witness a loved one’s descent into addiction or alcoholism. Feeling powerless to create lasting change is often the hardest part as we watch a friend, parent, child or sibling risk early death to keep on getting drunk or high. It’s unbelievable, but it’s reality.
Fortunately, although you may feel powerless, you have more influence than you realize. Here are six ways that you can help get a loved one to stop abusing drugs or alcohol.
1. Get Educated
Until you get educated about the problem, you can’t hope to provide workable solutions.
The situation may seem black and white to you – “just stop using what’s killing you” – but with addiction, what seems to make the most sense isn’t necessarily what’s true or needed. Addiction creates physiological changes in the brain that make it very difficult to just “say no.”
Addiction erodes impulse control. Without treatment and relapse avoidance techniques, constant cravings are difficult to overcome.
Read all you can about the disease of addiction. It will help you to understand what your loved one is going through, why treatment is needed and what types of treatment are most likely to work – and it may increase your feelings of compassion. You are going to need the help and support of others in the family as well, so it’s important that you offer informed opinions about what can and should be done to create real and lasting change.
Go to the library and read online. You should also plan to meet with an addiction specialist to get opinions and recommendations for treatment.
2. Intervene
Myths
- An addict needs to hit rock bottom before they’ll ever get help.
- An addict has to decide when to get treatment.
Those two pervasive myths about addiction stop too many well-meaning and concerned family members from intervening to help their loved one get needed addiction treatment.
Addicts and alcoholics never need to hit rock bottom. Waiting for things to get worse only makes treatment harder and less likely to succeed, and many people never find their own rock bottom, until it’s too late.
Many alcoholics and addicts enter into substance abuse treatment programs initially on the urging of concerned friends or family members, at the request of employers or as mandated by the courts. Statistics show that people who do not enter into treatment as self-motivated participants are just as likely to succeed as anyone else. It does not matter how you feel walking in the door to that treatment center, it only matters how you feel walking out.
Talk to the person you love about drug rehab treatment. Sometimes you can convince them to get the help they need – sometimes they’re just waiting for someone to ask.
Often, though, it’s not that easy. Addiction hijacks the mind and treatment threatens the very existence of this addicted mind. Some of the strategies commonly employed to deflect treatment include:
- Denying the problem or the extent of the problem
- Lying about what they plan to do
- Agreeing to get help, but not following through
- Reacting with anger, deflecting the conversation away from their problem and back onto you
In many cases, an intervention is required to convince someone who is reluctant to get help into the addiction treatment they need.
A family intervention brings together everyone close to the addict or alcoholic for a loving conversation, during which the addict hears what harms their drinking or using does to them and to others.
When everyone comes together to tell personal stories of pain and to demand treatment, it is tough for the addict to continue to deny the existence of the problem and the need for treatment.
Interventions work well, but they should never be taken lightly. They are serious, difficult and emotional events that require forethought, planning and preparation. Be sure to get educated about the process before attempting your own, and consider enlisting the services of a professional interventionist to facilitate the event.
3. Participate in Treatment
Addiction affects the family, and family affects the addiction. If at all possible, family members should participate in the addiction treatment process. Family counseling and family education sessions can help reveal family dynamics that may contribute to the substance abuse and may help mend some of the wounds inevitably caused by addiction.
Getting educated as a family also prepares the group to offer the kinds of relapse prevention support that can really make a difference in those first tough months of sobriety.
4. Offer Support During and After Treatment
Addiction treatment should never end after a stay at a drug or alcohol rehab, but even with continuing aftercare, those first months of real-world temptation are a high risk period for relapse. Family support and involvement during this time can make a difference. Be there for your loved one, stay in close contact and be a good source of sober support. Boredom threatens sobriety, so arrange fun outings that avoid drinking or drug use – go for a walk in the forest!
Encourage your family member to stay active in continuing addiction treatment programs. People that participate in addiction treatment for one year or longer have a much better long-term success rate; overconfidence during the initial months is a big red flag!
If you use or drink, don’t do it anywhere near them.
5. Be Realistic
Understand that your addicted family member might slip or even relapse. Addiction is a chronic disease and relapse is an unfortunate part of it. Addiction treatment is best thought of as a medical treatment that induces symptom remission; in many cases, multiple bouts of treatment are required over a lifetime.
Working hard to get someone into treatment only to watch them relapse can be incredibly frustrating. Addiction is a frustrating disease. But it does not nullify the importance of the treatment or diminish the need for subsequent treatment. It’s just an unfortunate part of life for anyone who struggles with addiction.
6. Get Support for Yourself
You can’t help someone you love if you burn out. And ultimately, you can’t live anyone else’s life for them. It is vital that you look after yourself. Helping someone you love battle addiction isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, and you offer the most help if you are there for the long haul.
Many people find that support groups like Alanon or Alateen help them deal with the often painful realities of loving an addict or alcoholic. Others prefer individual counseling or other forms of support.
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